crossroads

I am in a weird place right now.  I am feeling like everything is coming to a head.  I am upset. I am depressed. I am angry. I feel let down. I feel unheard. I feel unappreciated. I am tired of constantly giving, and getting nothing in return. I am tired of busting my ass and being treated like its not ever enough.  I am tired of being the family member/friend of convenience.  I am tired of feeling like I have to force myself on people that claim to love me. I am done. I am done trying to please everyone. I am done extending myself to people who dont give a shit about me. I am done dealing with self centered people.   I am done putting off decisions that need to be made for the better of MY FAMILY (Bryan, Jasmine and I) because I am worried about hurting peoples feelings or what people might think.  I am done worrying about everyone else.  I am moving forward, and I am only going to worry about myself, my child and my husband. And what is best for us.  I am only going to give people the energy they give me. So if you treat me like WORTHLESS TRASH, be prepared to be treated the SAME WAY! I am no longer going to "kill people with kindness" I am standing up for myself because I know that I deserve better.  I also know that these people I am so upset with, are going to really wish I was still around when Im gone.  But I need to focus on myself. and my family. The people who truly care about me.  Things have been crazy for a long time.  I have been through a lot, and I need to process everything and better myself.  When you go through trauma and hardship it becomes very clear who has your back, and who doesnt.  The people who have stood by me, will always be apart of my life, and I will always have their backs. Those who failed to show up, are out. I wish you all well, but Im done.   I am "cleaning house" and moving on.