Dont go searching for something until you are prepared to find it

Yikes! The last 2 weeks have been rough. And today, everything came to a head.  I spent most of the day sobbing. My head and eyes hurt.  My chest is sore and heavy.  And I just feel drained. It was a combination of everything going on with our house, and my health, and parts of my past, that I have had buried away very deep.    One of the things that I have on my list of things I want to do before I turn 30 is get in contact with my half sister.  I have been searching for her online for years, and last week, I found her. I havent contacted her yet, but I found all of her stuff including her flickr page, and I was completely blown away by how much we look alike. I was overwhelmed by all of it. I have been looking for so long, but then now that I have found her, I want to contact her but what do I say. "Hi, Im your half sister, will you be my facebook friend?" But also, during my search, I came across someone else's info that I wasnt prepared to find. My biological father. My "sperm donor" I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out at the same time.  The last time I saw him, I was 13.  He had'nt seen me before that since I was about 2. He had contacted me when he was working through his "12 steps" He wanted to start having visitation. I was scared of him. I had to go to visitation for 3 months once a week, and then the judge let me decide if and how much I wanted to see him. He ended up agreeing to sign over his rights as long as we agreed to not make him pay the $15,000 in back child support he owed. that was it. I had to sit in a conference room and listen to him blame everyone else for his absence in my life. and that was it. he was out of my life again.  I have dealt with that my whole life. Being abandoned by my father.  Not being a priority in his life.  Being thrown out like garbage.  How can I expect anyone to truly love me and not leave me, if my own father couldnt?  And after I had my own daughter, it was even harder. Because the amount of love I feel for her is unmeasurable. Infinite. There is nothing in this world that would take me away from her. I could never just leave her. I just dont understand how a parent could just walk away from their child. And although I have no desire to have a relationship with him, I feel I am owed an explanation, between him and I, none of this "it was everyone elses fault", "you were brainwashed and hid from me" crap. I had his last name until I was 13 and he signed over his rights. My grandparents lived in the same house, and had the same phone number as they did when he was married to my mom. I went over to his mothers house almost every other weekend. He could have easily found me if he wanted to. I feel I have I right to have my questions answered. I deserve that much. And I want closure. I just dont know what to do. The reason I havent contacted my sister, is because they have reconciled. And I just dont know how it will turn out.  I want to get to know her, but I dont want to be cornered into seeing him.  My husband says he will support me no matter what I decide to do, but he is worried that I might be opening a huge can of worms, and I might not find what Im looking for. He doesnt want me to hurt more than I already do.  I guess I have alot of thinking to do.