...Life...

Life can be funny. It seems to always have a way of letting you know whose in charge. Its been quite a while since my last post, and its crazy how much everything is different.  I quit my job. It was hard. Because I loved what I did, and loved the people I worked with dearly, but I just couldnt do it anymore. The stress was too much, and my body couldnt take it any more. So we made the choice for me to leave. And, I felt good about really taking care of myself for once. I thought that not working would help me feel better, and I did for a few weeks, but then things took a bad turn. About 6 weeks ago,  Jasmine and I were over at my friends house. I had really been feeling bad for a few days, and I woke up feeling very tired, kind of pre-seizure, and just really bad in general. But, I thought it would go away. So we went over to my friends, and pretty soon, I felt horrible. And not to be dramatic, but I thought I was having a heart attack, and ended up going to urgent care. Long story short, on top of everything else, I am working with a cardiologist. After alot of testing, I was told that I have a hole in my heart. Apparently, I was born with it. And if you dont have issues with it when you are a baby, you usually start having problems around 30.  It has really affected Jasmine. She was beyond freaked out when it happened, and now she doesnt want to leave my side.  She was doing so well until this. This has been a huge set back for her. 

Then, 2 weeks ago, my whole family's world stopped. My oldest sister, Angie, passed away. I am still trying to process it. I found out on the 25th (thursday) we all met friday at the funeral home/mortuary to plan her service, and go over the details of having her cremated. We had her viewing on Wednesday the 31st. Amber and I did her make-up for her viewing, Alisha was there with us for moral support.( I am so proud of us. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I am glad we had each-other for that) And her Service was on thursday, the 1st. It was beautiful. Linda Hornbuckle, Mac Potts, and some other amazing musicians did the music. It was at a beautiful park, that has the most amazing rose garden. It all seems completely surreal to me. I am heartbroken. I still dont even know what to say. I wanted so much to write something to her to be read at the service, but I couldnt find the words. I still cant.  Jasmine has had a very hard time with this. She just doesnt understand it at all. None of us do.