It has been such a long time since my last post. And so much has happened. I turned 30, Jasmine and I had our Art in an art show, Bryan's dad passed away (on Angies birthday) then my biological father passed away about 2 weeks after that. Needless to say, I am having a difficult time with everything, and started counseling. Through out my life, I have been a perfectionist, and people pleaser. I have always put others first, and have 'done' for others. Which, I dont think is a horrible trait to have, if you have balance. I didnt (dont) I put myself very last. And I am now at a hard place, where I feel like I dont have anything left. I find myself often wondering if people genuinely like/love ME, or just what I do for them. I feel like I have to go above and beyond for everyone, and make everything perfect for them, or I will lose them, because just ME alone is not good enough, and Im not worth it. So I am trying to work through everything, and make changes. In what I do for people. In how available I am....If I havent been kind to myself, or taken care of myself, I need to say no. Setting limits and boundaries. Caring for myself, and building a better relationship with ME.
Its insanely overwhelming processing it all, and working through events in my life that have caused me to be this way.
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